Leaving and Thanks

One of the biggest surprises for Shelley and I was how much we enjoyed this blog. We started it mainly so we would have memories to put in Layla's life book. We will include all the comments as well. So thank you for all you who followed our journey. Shelley and I often wondered if we crazy to adopt a child from China and the with your help we realized we were crazy and it is good. Life is so much sweeter in community so for that we thank you!

Justin and Shelley

Thoughts on China

We leave our hotel in less than 24 hours so I thought I would post some thoughts on the Chinese culture. We had another good day with some more progress :)

They have a saying in Guangzhou that goes something like this...the only thing that flies that we don't eat is a plane and the only thing with four legs that we don't eat is a desk. They eat every animal and every part of every animal. It is entertaining to just read the menu.

There are three types of reactions that you get after you eat here. I will list them here in order from good to bad

1.) a dull stomach ache
2.) a mild case of the runs
3.) your day starts with going to front desk asking for more toilet paper

We all have lost some weight and are dreaming of our first American meal.

The Chinese people are very hardworking. Every single person we have interacted with here has been very courteous and hard working. I believe China will continue in their rise as a world power. At McDonald's I attempted to throw away my own trash and our guide said I would take away somebody's job. The have a work force willing to do anything.

Our entire group we traveled with had assumptions about what it would be like here and we were all wrong. They appear to be very open to talk about anything including religion and politics. The daily paper has critiques of the government and its citizens. There continue to be a lot of public works projects starting up to make the country a better place. There is continued talk about opening up and progressing more.

This is a very serious culture. You don't see people acting in a loud and gregarious manner(opposite of the VanOtterloos). The only time I have heard a group burst out in laughing is when I run by a group in my short red running shorts.

They love to imitate American culture. From Christmas, weddings, TV and lots of other stuff.

The have an interesting retirement plan. Women retire by 50 and men by 55. They then hang out in parks everyday singing, dancing, playing hacky sack and other games. It is a cool picture of community. I have included some videos

progress every day

Again we made progress today. It is so encouraging. Layla is now a full time walker and she can be in another room than Shelley for little bit and be ok. We have started her on some other baby food. She ate some peas and corn today. Layla is even reaching out to me. Last night before bed I was laying on the floor and she would walk over to me and hit me with her gotcha bunny and laugh. I can see her eyes warming up to me. It is really heart warming for me. We are going at her pace so she knows her boundaries are respected. The picture at the right is of Layla and I playing the tilt the head game and video is me sticking my tongue out at her and then tilting our heads. We are feeling better and are less than 48 hours until we leave China.

I wondered how I would react to Layla and her cleft lip and palate. Someone made a comment that we should pray for her upcoming surgery which is a good thing. I was pleasantly surprised that I forgotten about the surgery. I am perfectly in love with Layla just the way she is.

Love for a child

Layla continues to grow more and more confident. Today as we touring a Buddhist temple and a museum she insisted on walking a lot. She has even shown some signs of throwing a temper tantrum. It is great to see the progress every day because it gives you hope. She continues to love on Shelley and her only. Shelley is feeling much better so thank you for all your prayers.

Things I am learning as the "rejected parent".

First, I know this is normal and I know it will not last but there is learning to be had

Rejection is not fun. It wasn't fun at junior high dances and it is not fun now

It is good character building to be in situations where you just serve and give without receiving. I am often in places where I am leading and receiving feedback some positive some not but a least I get some feed back. It is good for me to just give without expectation of receiving anything in return. I have in the past and I am tempted to go back to an old paradigm that goes something like this..if you worship, affirm, or pay tribute to me I will love you in return. This is a good gut check

It is good for me to be in situations where Shelley is clearly superior. I get to be in a position to be completely dependent on her. It is impossible for my admiration for her not to leap skyward. I am really appreciating how God has uniquely gifted her and I am so thankful for what she brings to our family.

There seems to be two extremes I could go to. One is to run(not literally but in my head) from this situation or to have an unhealthy martyrdom of sacrificial love. I am trying to stay some where in the middle. Which looks like... today I will give out of what I have received and stay in today because I can't control the people or the future of what tomorrow brings. Life is simpler here and it is easier to love because I am not wasting energy on stuff that is not in my control.

Anything that takes me out of the center of my worldview is good.

baby steps

Everybody is feeling a little better today. Layla tried on her first pair of shoes and did some dancing with Shelley (see video). The days go by a little slow but we are getting closer and closer to being home. Layla and I have started playing a game I will call tilt the head. She tilts her head and then I do the same and we both laugh.

We have met some great people with our travel group. This is a a picture of us at dinner tonight.

another day

Family and Friends.

Layla is still clinging to Shelley non-stop and to make things more challenging Shelley woke up in the middle of the night with the Chinese stomach gift. Somehow she must of gotten some of the water in her system. She earned her mothering stripes today. She could use some extra prayer right now as she is not feeling well and has all the demands of Layla to meet. Layla and I did have some laughs today shaking our heads and rattle at the same time. It is fun to see her smile and laugh. She was even walking around some on her own today. She makes a little progress everyday.

up and downs today

We started Christmas day with a shopping tour. I have discovered that shopping is a universally unpleasant experience. For me it doesn't matter where I am I don't enjoy it.

Layla continues to become more alive. Shelley remarked today - "Is this the same kid we adopted." She was laughing and playing a lot today. The challenge has been that she only wants to be held by Shelley and nobody else including me. Up until yesterday we were working great together as a team and now Shelley is carrying all the load and I feel frustrated that I can't help like I would like to. The good news is that this means the attachment process is starting and this type of reaction is normal and will not last forever.

Tonight we had a Christmas celebration with our travel group. One of the guys David has Santa look to him so stood in for us. Last night he was out at the festival and hundreds of people had there picture taken with him. It was an impromptu hilarious experiment by him.

If you want to see the super mom in action check out the video links. We are anxious to get home and be together as a family. The first thing we do every morning is check for comments so thank you for all the encouragement

Christmas Eve

It is amazing how westernized the world is now. China is having a huge Christmas eve celebration. When sat down for dinner tonight we were all give Santa hats to wear. Christmas music including Christ the Savior has been playing since we got here. Things have really opened up. Today on my run I saw two retires doing there excesses in park by grabbing their ankles and shaking their hips. I wish I would have had my camera it would have been a youtube hit.

Layla is starting to open up and it is fun to watch. She is show some real skill in judging character. She is in love with Shelley and wants to be with her constantly. I am so thankful to be married to a very gifted mother. It is a special skill that I really admire. Layla is eating from spoon and had some prunes today which had the desired effect. I was reminded of how long a journey this is going to be to restore her to health. She spent most of her days in a crib and she has very little muscle development. It is struggle for her to stand and even sit up for long periods. We are seeing progress but is going to take time. I always forget that my fantasy of swooping in being the hero and everything will be ok is not how it often works. Love is a long term process that comes at a cost. Thankfully this is very worthy one.

Our missing Henry quotient is rising. Now that we have Layla we are ready to head home to be a family. Merry Christmas to you all. We miss you!

Update

Friends and Family

You have no idea how encouraging it is to us to know that many people are following our story. We really appreciate all the prayers and comments.

There are typically three initial reactions a child has when being adopted:

1.) cry hysterically
2.) shut down and withdraw
3.) know how to work the system with charm and take this as an opportunity to cash in

One reaction is not better than the other it just is the way things happen. They tell you not to expect this magical reaction from your child because it is not reasonable for a kid who has never been outside or in a car to fall in love with these different speaking, looking, and smelling people they just met. Layla reacted by withdrawing. We are building trust and love one small step at a time. It has been really fun watching her come out of her shell. She even smiled at me today while we were playing.

We had major break through with food today. Yesterday she wouldn't let a bottle or food even near her mouth. We put her to bed last night without eating. We assumed she would wake up in the middle of the night starving but she didn't stir until 6:45am this morning. We figured she would be starving and readily eat. We were wrong. No food or bottle near her. She was looking really weak this morning and we were trying not to panic. Last night as I was laying in bed I remembered stories of how I was fed by a syringe when I was baby. We tried it, and after initially trying to block, she licked it down once it touched her lips. We gave her a whole bottle with a syringe. It only took an hour. Tonight she took the bottle in about 20 minutes. Progress!

As I think back about yesterday I had one of those rare moments that I wish happened more and lasted longer of seeing the world in a way that God sees the world. How it is possible to love somebody so much your heart just bursts.

An unbelievable day!

This is a day I will never forget. It started this morning with a lot of pacing and nervousness. We loaded up the bus at 2pm and headed to civil affairs. They told us we would wait in a room and they would bring our children to us. We were with two other families. As we were getting on the elevator, one of the people in our group recognized Layla who was already on the elevator. We didn't know what to do but they hustled us on the elevator and we were right next to Layla. She was beautiful and she just looked at us with her brown eyes wide open. I had tears running down my cheeks. We then went to the room and waited. After a couple minutes they brought her in and and handed her to Shelley. Layla seemed at peace and just looked around. After about 5 minutes she fell asleep in Shelley's arms. We then meet with orphanage director and her nanny and they told us about her and gave us a picture book of the city and where she was found. She cried when her nanny left and has been in our arms most of the rest of the night. She is a very precious child and we are so thankful for the amazing blessing. Shelley will give a more detailed post tomorrow. We are both exhusted and happy.

2 hours to go

My college swim coach had a saying... "when you go on a 100 mile journey and you have done 99 miles you are half way there." It feels like I see every second go by.

More thoughts on December 20th...

It is now the morning of the 21st. I wanted to post last night, but was too tired. Yesterday was a great day. I am enjoying myself far more than I expected.
In overview, we drove by the Water Cube and Bird's Nest, visited a jade factory (factory is probably not the correct word since jade is obviously not manufactured), visited a place where clossine (totally spelled wrong - it's basically a type of enamelware) is made, and visited the summer palace. Probably the most fun thing we did was climb the Great Wall. Where we were, the Great Wall was made up of varying height steps (some steps were literally knee high while some were ankle high) leading straight up a mountain. Justin and I turned it into a workout and pushed our lung capacity to it's limits trying to go as far as we could in a short time. Justin, of course, went way further than anyone else and actually ran a portion of it. Afterwards we had an authentic Chinese lunch served family style. I tried most of it, but had to draw the line when the platter with the an entire, intact fish came my way.
We challenged death on more than one occasion yesterday. I wish I could explain exactly how people drive in China. Our driver's technique seems to be to just drive as fast as he can, honk his horn a lot, and just hope for the best. There seem to be no rules regarding passing. Apparently, it is allowed on all roads, and the Chinese have clearly never heard the rule about not pulling into the oncoming lane if any vehicles can be seen moving towards you. Our driver likes to add the excitement by talking at lengths on his cell phone. As scary as it is to be in a moving vehicle on the roads in Beijing, it's even scarier on foot. There is no sacred ground for the pedestrian. There are crosswalks and "walk" signs at traffic lights, but apparently these just indicate routes that are marginally safer than arbitrarily walking out into traffic. Yesterday, our group walked to dinner down the street an across a major street. After waiting for a while for a safe opportunity to cross, we realized it would never happen and we would just have to run for it and hope for the best. One person in our group compared to playing Frogger.
I'll have to post later all the details regarding our dinner last night, a very humorous occasion.
It's been a lot of fun getting to know the other people in our group. I am so grateful that we aren't here all by ourselves.
Love you all,
Shelley

Duck brains

Tonight we went out to dinner with our travel group to a famous duck restaurant and yes I (Justin) tried duck brains. In case you are wondering they taste like mushy chicken.

The Great Wall of China was an impressive sight. It is amazing what people could accomplish when there was no TV to distract them. It also reminded me how we desperately try to control and protect everything even though it doesn't really work.

Things I am experiencing:
1.) Being 13 hours off on time zones sucks. If I wake up one more time at 3am wide awake I am not going to be happy
2.) I am really enjoying the extended time with Shelley. We have had some great conversations.
3.) What I enjoy most about traveling is interacting with new people. I could live without guided tours and crowds of people. I keep asking our tour guide personal questions that get them talking about themselves and not facts about China.
4.) China is progressing as a nation. The Olympics really changed them. Three years ago you could only get three vegetables in Beijing now you can get anything you want. Before they had two subway lines now they have 9. People here have what appears to be a genuinely positive attitude about there home country.

Beijing Day 2

Not much to say today. We saw Tienemen square, the Forbidden City, and an acrobat show. It was cool to see, but was cold and windy. We are still recovering from jet leg and get quite tired the second half of the day. The picture is taken in front of a tree in the Emperor's gardens that is supposed to look like a couple. Tomorrow we see the Great Wall of China.

Justin and Shelley

1st Day in Beijing

Our first full day in Beijing has almost come to a close. It started with an amazing breakfast buffet complete with your standard Western fare, fried rice, spring rolls, congee, squid, and just about anything else you can think of. Even the coffee was good. After breakfast Justin decided to go for a run. I figured he would be back to the room in about an hour and a half so I was pretty concerned when three hours went by and he still wasn't back. I was pretty convinced that he had gotten himself hopelessly lost, never to be found again. But, he finally strolled in the hotel quite pleased with himself for having run all the way to the Bird's Nest (Olympic opening ceremonies venue) and the Water Cube. Apparently, the bell boy told him it was a 30 minute drive and he couldn't possibly run there. Justin, of course, took that as a challenge and had to prove him wrong.
This afternoon our guide took us and the other family in our travel group that arrived the same time we did (the other 2 families experienced some flight delays and didn't make it until today) on a tour of the Temple of Heaven. It was part park and part historical site. Everything here is really clean and fairly pretty. We kept noticing that there were older people everywhere playing cards, dancing, and playing on the playground equipment (believe it or not the playground equipment in each community is designed for adults rather than children). Apparently, the retired community is extremely active. We saw several groups of older women in the park with kareoke (sp?) machines singing and dancing just for fun.
We then hooked up with the remaining families in our group and visited Hutang (??). This is a very old neighborhood in Beijing. We actually toured around in rickshaws. It was a little cold, but still a fun experience. Afterwards, we went to a tea tasting hosted by a professional tea person (like a somelier, but for tea).
We are back in our hotel now getting ready for dinner. Our entire group has a reservation at a Chinese duck restaurant. I guess we will all be splitting a duck that they will place in the center of the table after making a show out of carving it. It should be quite an experience. Oh, wait, I just found out that we can't get a reservation for tonight. We'll go to the duck place tomorrow night and to an Italian restaurant tonight. It seems strange to go out for Italian when you are in China...oh well.
We have thoroughly enjoyed the day, but also are quite anxious to get to Guangzhou and get Layla. Just a few more days...
Thanks, everyone, for all the comments! It was really fun reading them. Of course, we especially enjoyed the update on Henry.

Arrived!

After a grueling day of travel we are here with no travel delays and in a nice hotel room. Things of interest that we observed:

1.) The gate agent didn't even look at our boarding passes when got on the plane in Detroit for Tokyo. That proved troublesome for two people who were trying to go to New York but ended up on our plane and didn't know it until we were in the air

2.) The plane was full of college kids from China heading home for winter break. I asked two of them if their brothers and sisters were excited to see them. They looked at me funny and then reminded me of the one child policy.

Justin

Our Family Today

Support from family and friends

We just can't believe how we are being supported by our family and friends. Below are just a few of the ways we've received love:

Our friends, Kerry Shooner and Kathi Stevens, through a baby shower for Shelley.

Six different families (Flinns, Bauschers, Shooners, Stevens, Creamers, & Wolfenbergs)have offered to take Henry for a couple of days each while we are gone! What a relief to know that Henry will be well taken care of in our absence.

Paul Owens will be picking us up at 7:15 Tuesday morning, taking us to the airport, and then dropping Henry off at his daycare.

The Crossroads 0-18 staff took time out of their day to listen to us tell about our journey and to pray for us. I can't tell you how awesome this was! Somehow these people knew exactly how to pray for us. They also got together and gave us several gifts for the trip.

Our small group (Nadermanns, Reynas, Stevens, and Shooners) got together at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday to see us one last time before we left and to pray for us. Again, knowing that people are praying for us is incredibly encouraging.

Several families have given us or loaned us financial resources to help make this journey possible.

We can't thank everyone enough!

Itinerary

We received confirmation of our Consulate Appointment (CA) today (12/30) and our itinerary. The adoption is considered final by the US government on the day of the CA. The number one priority is to bring Layla home as soon as possible. However, the fact that the adoption will be finalized this year is a huge and unexpected blessing to us for financial reasons. We just can't believe how this is all coming together for us. We can't help but see the hand of God throughout this adoption journey.

Below is our itinerary. We leave Cincinnati December 16th. December 22nd is the day we meet Layla (called Gotcha Day). I just can't believe this is really going to happen...


Dec. 17 (Wed) Arrive in Beijing Flight: NW 29 Arr.: 9:40pm
Stay at Zhaolong Hotel (4 nights)
Tel: 01186-10-65972299 Fax: 01186-10-65972288
FTIA Coordinator: Catherine: 01186-01-13910937695

Dec. 18 (Thu) – 20 (Sat) We will arrange tours to the Temple of Heaven, Hutong tour, Great Wall, Summer
Palace and Forbidden City. (Watch Acrobatic Show on Friday afternoon)
(Watch Acrobatic Show on Friday afternoon)

Dec. 21 (Sun) Morning: Beijing to Guangzhou Flight: CA 1315 (11:10am-2:10pm)
Stay at Guangdong Victory Hotel (11 nights)
Tel: 01186-20-81216688 Fax: 01186-20-81216062
Local guide: Helen: 01186-13724018461

Dec. 22 (Mon) Afternoon: Go to the Civil Affairs Bureau of Guangdong Province to receive your child

Dec. 23 (Tue) Morning: Go to the Civil Affairs Bureau of Guangdong Province to complete the adoption
registration and notarization procedures

Dec. 24 (Wed) Afternoon: Pick up the registration card and go to the Public Security Bureau to apply for your child's passport

Dec. 25 (Thu) – Dec. 28 (Sun) Tour may be arranged and will be optional. Free time available if not touring
Have visa picture taken and medical exam performed for your child on Friday

Dec. 29 (Mon) Afternoon: Tour may be arranged and will be optional. Free time available if not touring
Pick up all notarized paperwork and the passport for your child

Dec. 30 (Tue) Morning: Your local guide submits the visa application documents for you to the U.S.
Consulate

Dec. 31 (Wed) Afternoon: Have the group-oath taken at the U.S. Consulate
Receive your child’s visa
Jan. 1 (Thu) Morning: Guangzhou to Tokyo Flight: NW 28 Dep.: 8:30am

Travel Approval!

We're going to China!!! We just received our Travel Approval today and were told that we will likely leave December 17th and return January 1st. We are leaving 2 weeks from tomorrow!! We never dreamed we would travel so soon after getting our TA. We are especially thrilled since we had a little trouble with Justin's visa and he has to be in China by December 21st!

We are sad that we will be away from Henry and our family over Christmas, but cannot imagine a better Christmas gift. We will actually get to be with Layla on Christmas!

We just cannot believe how blessed we are. After a year and a half of paperwork and waiting, we are finally going to be bringing our daughter home. That seems like a long time, but there are so many families out there who have waited years and are still waiting.

Update from Orphanage...

We just received new pictures and info from the orphanage! We requested an update on Monday and were told that the orphanage may not respond. It's Wednesday now and they've already sent us the update! We are encouraged that the people at the orphanage were so willing to take that extra step for us.

We now have Layla's current height, weight, and head circumference which we will be sending to the International Adoption Center at Children's for review. She's grown since the last set of measurements we received in July, but she weighs only 16.5 lbs! She mainly just eats formula and rice cereal. This will be very useful information as we pack for our trip.

We are so encouraged that Layla looks so great in the pictures...we just can't wait to meet her in person...

Received Letter of Acceptance!

Today, after waiting 101 days since receiving our Pre-Approval, we received our Letter of Acceptance (LOA)!! This means that we will be traveling in about 2 months. The adoption probably won't be finalized until the beginning of '09, but we keep hoping and praying for a Christmas miracle! In about one month, we will have a better idea of when we travel.
Needless to say, we are very excited and nervous. It is all starting to seem real that a little girl will be joining our family forever!

A Teddy Bear for Layla

Today, Henry and I bought a pink teddy bear and pink polka dotted doggie for Layla. (They are made by Kids Preferred and are washable just like Henry's Teddy. I highly recommend them to anyone with kids.) Henry helped picked them out and was cuddling with them all the way home. When we got home, Henry carried them into the kitchen and held them up to Layla's pictures to show her. It was about the most precious thing I have ever seen in my life.

Layla's Birthday

Today is Layla's birthday. I made a cake with pink frosting for the three of us. We sang "Happy Birthday" and Henry got to blow out the one candle. It was a bittersweet moment. We are so filled with joy over the fact that we get to bring Layla home to join our family, but it breaks our hearts knowing that she is so far away and is likely not getting the care she needs. Henry asked if Layla would get a cookie on her birthday. It was a sweet thing for him to say, but it broke my heart because she probably won't be getting any cookies today.

Pre-Approval

We received our Pre-Approval from China today! We were told that from the time we turned in our Letter of Intent (7/11/08) until we received or PA (pre-approval) would be anywhere from 2 - 10 weeks. We received it in 1 1/2 weeks!!
At this point, we figure we will travel anytime between Thanksgiving and the beginning of January 2009. How will we ever be able to wait that long knowing that our daughter is somewhere on the other side of the world in an orphanage!
Now that we have our PA, we feel comfortable sharing the name we have selected for our daughter (it's kind of like waiting until you are through your first trimester). We have named her Layla Nora Si Feng Wolfenberg. Nora is Justin's grandmother's name and Si Feng is the name Layla was given by the orphanage. I know, it's a mouthful.
Now we wait...

New pictures and info from the orphanage

We received an update today! These pictures were all taken at Layla's orphanage on 7/18/08, just a couple of days ago! We were also given her most recent height, weight, and other measurements. She's only 15 pounds. That's less than half of what Henry weighs.

Match Day

This morning I received a very unexpected phone call from the adoption agency we are working with (FTIA). To my shock, they were calling to let us know that we had been matched to a little girl with a cleft lip and palate. I was told that we had until 5:00 to turn in a bunch of paperwork, get the child's file reviewed by the International Adoption Center at Children's, and make a committment to proceed. After an insane day of running around town, making phone calls, writing out answers to essay questions, and sending lots of e-mails, we made our decision and turned in our paperwork. If all goes well (they make no guarantees), we will travel to China in 5-10 months and pick up our little girl (DOB 8/10/07).The crazy thing is that we were not expecting to be matched for at least a year (3-5 years if we stuck with the non-special needs program). We told our agency that we were looking for a female child (there are more boys in the special needs program) under 18 months (also pretty rare) with a cleft lip and palate. Because we were so specific in our desires and because we were told that we were the 40th family on the waiting list (only a few children are matched per month), we had no expectation to hear anything so quickly. I asked our agency how this happened and they said that they are as shocked as we are. They said that it makes no sense why we would have matched us right now. The other awesome thing is that the doctor who reviewed the child's file, raved about her health. She couldn't get over how healthy the child appeared and told us that the cleft didn't look that serious.We couldn't help but take those things as signs from God and move forward!