Layla continues to grow more and more confident. Today as we touring a Buddhist temple and a museum she insisted on walking a lot. She has even shown some signs of throwing a temper tantrum. It is great to see the progress every day because it gives you hope. She continues to love on Shelley and her only. Shelley is feeling much better so thank you for all your prayers.
Things I am learning as the "rejected parent".
First, I know this is normal and I know it will not last but there is learning to be had
Rejection is not fun. It wasn't fun at junior high dances and it is not fun now
It is good character building to be in situations where you just serve and give without receiving. I am often in places where I am leading and receiving feedback some positive some not but a least I get some feed back. It is good for me to just give without expectation of receiving anything in return. I have in the past and I am tempted to go back to an old paradigm that goes something like this..if you worship, affirm, or pay tribute to me I will love you in return. This is a good gut check
It is good for me to be in situations where Shelley is clearly superior. I get to be in a position to be completely dependent on her. It is impossible for my admiration for her not to leap skyward. I am really appreciating how God has uniquely gifted her and I am so thankful for what she brings to our family.
There seems to be two extremes I could go to. One is to run(not literally but in my head) from this situation or to have an unhealthy martyrdom of sacrificial love. I am trying to stay some where in the middle. Which looks like... today I will give out of what I have received and stay in today because I can't control the people or the future of what tomorrow brings. Life is simpler here and it is easier to love because I am not wasting energy on stuff that is not in my control.
Anything that takes me out of the center of my worldview is good.
9 comments:
Justin you are a wonderful husband and a loving father! Shelly is lucky to have you! Be patient, I also was feeling rejection, because Chloe chose her Daddy. She is doing better, but still is Daddys girl. This whole experience is a God thing and we just have to complete it. We should not have been able to afford this, but God provided the money for this adoption, in the midst of financial chaos. And some extra shopping money too.
God is Good!!!
We are so happy to have met you and plan to stay in touch to see your children grow.
In Christ's Love,
Angie Clinton
Lia and I look forward to reading your blog everyday. I am amazed that you have made entry's everyday.
Justin, you are so good at articulating your feelings and experiences. Just want you to know that it is inspiring to read.
- bvo
She is beautiful! We can't wait to meet her.
Justin, you have a wonderful perspective in the middle of such a crazy time. Shelly and Layla need you, and I am glad that you can see that you have a specific (serving) place. We are all so HAPPY that she is clinging to someone, and even better that it is her mom! I just think about all of the months at the beginning when a newborn has exponentially more time with mom than dad. Layla is just making up for lost time! Can't wait for you all to COME HOME!
Wow. Justin, hang in there. It is awesome that you are able to put your feelings into words. I am confident that Layla is going to begin seeking attention from her daddy soon. You are awesome, I love how you support Shelley. You guys are amazing.
Can't wait to meet Layla!
This is Amy Owens' sister again. Not that I know ANYTHING about parenting, but I remember reading in my adoption books (we hope to adopt internationally this year) that having one "main" parent provide all the care at first really helps attachment!! Hang in there! You guys are great. Thanks for sharing your stories.
Justin and Shelley,
You are BOTH wonderful parents and Layla is blessed to have you!
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. We can't wait for you to be home within the week!
Janet
Justin and Shelley,
Layla is so beautiful and perfect! I have been following your blog, thank you so much for sharing. I love reading about your experience! Have a safe trip home and a wonderful New Year with your family!
Emily Howell
WOW. What a gorgeous family- Henry too:).
Thank you both for sharing from your heart and soul. What a beautiful story of redemption.
Love and Prayers,
Elizabeth Hendel
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